A and I made scones, with raspberries and blueberries. Eventually P came home, and I took a short walk around the block. Was happy to note that we are far from being the only ones who haven't taken down their Christmas lights!

Came home and immediately ate 2 pieces of what turned out to be DELICIOUS scones while it was still warm and topped it off with a new Yogi tea flavor, "Bright Moods". I like.

Snuck downstairs to see my favorite show which I had missed earlier in the week since I was stuck at the hospital: "Det Okända" (the unknown) with guest medium Terry Evans. Terry rules! God I wish I had his ability. Not only his ability but his personality. He's a cross between Dr. Phil and a teddy bear - hard as nails and soft at the same time.

After the show, I ate a third (albeit small) scones. Need I say that I feel much better now?

I'm letting Sponge Bob babysit my 5-year-old. My daughter, thank God, is at a friend's house. She has the uncanny ability to mirror my mood which is not much fun when I'm not in the mood. My head is throbbing, and I don't know why. Still not very mobile either after my operation.

God, I hate sounding so pitiful.

We'll try the Polyanna method - happy thoughts. OK, here's a few. My meatloaf wrapped in bacon with homeade tsatziki for lunch today was phenomenal. I can pour myself another cup of coffee (with a tinge of cinnamon). I think I'll see if A wants to make blueberry-raspberry scones with me later.

Much better. We'll just overlook the fact that I am placing my happiness in food.

Maybe when P comes home I can go for a short walk to clear my head.

Saw the number in my ringing cell phone's display and couldn't believe it. I had just seconds before tried tracking down a former colleague in the hopes of getting some info, but now the person I've been worrying about is calling me himself.

The person I am referring to is one of my dearest friends, not that we ever get together in our spare time; rather we talk to each other every working day. If we happen to be in the same town we try to plan our schedules so that we can meet, even if it's just for a cup of coffee.

We talk, but most of all we laugh.

And today was the first time I'd talked to him in two weeks. He's into his third battle with cancer, and his latest liver operation has proven to be a failure. What the options are? Won't know until next week. The least of several (if even that many) evils, I presume.

Hopefully at this time next Friday I'll be at his home drinking a hot cup of coffee.

And we'll talk about something that will make us both laugh.

My I.U.D (spiral) and I are having some issues. For ten years I have raved about the wonders of this fuss free form of contraception. The joys of not having to think about it, and on top of that no period - it was a dream come true.

When it was time to get a new one, my body suddenly said, "No!". The first try, my body reacted so fiercely that my nurse had to take it out immediately. On the second try a month later, my cervix wouldn't budge, so she couldn't even begin to insert it.

So we decided that since I was going to be going "under the knife" in the female area of my body, that my gynecologist could insert it instead. Even with sedatives, voltaren, Panodil, and MORPHINE, it still felt like murder. The rest of the procedure, including placing a local anesthetic in my most intimate parts was PEANUTS compared to this. The pain I felt afterwards was not from being sewn and stapled up, it was from my uterus.

After getting even more painkillers the pain eventually subsided, and for the meantime my I.U.D is in place. But the beautiful friendship we once shared feels tainted. The only reason she's there is because I forced her there. So instead of her being my benevolent girlfriend, it feels like she's condemned to a five year sentence in the dark dungeon of my body.

Will we ever find our way back to each other?

Other than that, my procedure seems to have gone well, and it hasn't been nearly as painful as I expected. I am very excited to see if I will be able to run and jump in the near future without fear of peeing in my pants!

Träffade en superskön tjej för nästan exakt sex år sedan på en föreläsning. Vi blev vänner vilket jag är så himla glad för.

Hon har världens coolaste yrke - illustratör. Jag är obotligt barnslig och hennes stil, ja, jag skulle kunna inreda hela mitt hem med hennes verk. Kankse för att vi delar samma knashumor?...

Hon har skrivit på sin blogg att hon skänker en a sina fina djur-affischer. Alla som gillar barnslig/retro stil bör kolla!

http://losformos.wordpress.com/

I've said it before: Life will deal out the lessons you need to learn until you learn them.

Tomorrow I will be having some minor surgery done. Some women my age have facelifts. I, too, will be lifted, just in a different area as a result of my two deliveries. I remember promising myself in the delivery room just as my son was emerging that this would be the LAST time I ever did this. However I expect I'll be experiencing some similar "discomfort" after this procedure.

Anyway I won't be allowed to do any exercising (i.e. no yoga) for the next three weeks. And with my daughter being home sick, I won't even be able to sneak one last pass in before checking into the hospital tomorrow. (And I won't be able to go to the seaside sauna tonight either - bummer.)

They (someone with authority, that is) claim that it takes three weeks to start a new habit. Is it possible that I could use this time to actually incorporate meditation into my routines? Will that help ease the anxiety I expect to feel by not getting my alone-fix that follows with me working out?

Will the days start to get lighter just long enough for me to get back to my early morning walks by the stream?

I admit that I am in fact addicted to the endorphine kick I get from physical exertion. I consider it a healthy addiction (nothing that I go overboard with - just too lazy for that), but an addiction no less. I like myself better after a workout. At least it's easier for me to be with me afterwards, since I enjoy the freshness of clearing my brain equally.

The time will pass quickly, I know. Two years ago I broke my hand two weeks before I started my yoga instructor course. Not a problem at all for my teacher. She said I could sit in the "convalescent corner" (jokingly). There is so much more to yoga than the physical art of holding positions.

I guess I needed to be reminded of that again, now that I'm now onto the next level physically. Maybe I need a pause so that I can try to catch up mentally.

Promised myself yesterday that today I was going to do my yoga...

And I could have done it pretty much at any time during the day, honestly...

7 P.M and still no yoga...

Thank god for Crunch DVD's "Candlelight Yoga"!

If you buy just one yoga DVD in your lifetime, buy this one. You can actually do it and go to bed right after, and you do NOT have to be an acrobat to do the poses. You WILL feel like you've had a whole-body massage afterwards!

Usually one refers to one's hair color when talking about getting rid of the gray. In that sense I am lucky, and so far I have not had to experience any age-related haircolor changes. I may at times feel like tearing my hair out...but that's another story altogether.

Nope, the gray I am talking about is on the one hand the constantly gray skies and surroundings, making it impossible to see the time of day. The other is the exact same grayish gloom inhibiting my entire sense of being at the moment.

I usually don't feel that the weather affects my mood, and I'm not sure that this is the case this time either; all I know is that I am tired, like I can't even open my eyes completely, and I just want peace and quiet. But even if I am able to take it easy right know, my breath feels labored.

So I tried getting some things done, without overexerting myself. I did some cleaning, since I usually feel better reinstating some sort of order to our home. I followed P & A on a walk to pick up L after a birthday party, so I got some fresh air that way. Still no change.

And since I hate being in a funk I usually try to ask myself what would I rather be doing, if I had the choice. The one thing that comes to mind (the only thing) is going to the seaside sauna to sweat out all my anxiety and bathe in the icy cold water. Unfortunately the ones in Kalmar aren't open for ladies tomorrow; maybe on Tuesday???

That way I could even indulge in some real girl talk...must try to do that this Tuesday...