PMS = most should know what that is??? IHM = Irritable husband syndrome

So when my brain feels like it's in a pressure cooker I decide to let Carina help me decompress by going to her Body Jam+ class. I've written it before - she is a real inspiration and a marvelous teacher. She's got such fantastic body language - it's clean and gritty at the same time. When you jam, it's so not supposed to be picture perfect, which is why I fit in just fine :-).

It definitely helped, but I still had that sense of burden inside, sort of like when you wish you could have an hour-long "ugly" cry just to let it all out. But, nope, no tears.

So when the kids went to bed I got the incense, candles, and meditation pillow out and tried a zen meditation for about 10 minutes. This particular method allows you to accept all the feelings and sensations you are experiencing, you just don't judge them. If you start thinking, you become aware of it and label it, "thinking", and return to your breathing.

In the middle of it my eyelid started to itch like crazy. So I decided tonight that I would let it itch (acceptance) and keep my calm. It worked, and eventually the itch subsided. When my timer rang, sure I still have somewhat of a headache, but I really did feel better.

Now I am unfortunately not one who meditates on a regular basis, but I am going to make an effort to do it more often!

I met a woman while working today. She is an OT who works at a school for physically and mentally challenged youths. She's somewhere in her forties, with a fresh hairdo, sleek boots, and pretty cool green/yellow eyeliner that looked great on her.

We were trying out a new wheelchair back system for a kid with a brain injury which took a long time since I had to dismount his backrest and mount the new one into two different positions.

I liked this kid. He struggled with every word he said, but as long as he was allowed time to form all of his words, everything he said was just as adequate as it was friendly.

What does this have to do with beauty??

This visit took about 2½ hours. I'm racking my brain trying to recall if during that time I saw this OT offer any type of smile at any point. No.

In the Swedish language there's a pretty clear distinction between being "serious - seriös" and being "grave - allvarlig". For some reason though I find that a lot of people, especially therapists, teachers, or any other kind of experts have a hard time differentiating between the two. Or else they just don't dare do it. Like you will lose face as far as your competence goes if you smile or are too sociable. It seems like some people are very suspicious of generally happy people - like there's some kind of catch or else they will be drawn into a cult should they give in to the jovial pressure.

My point is, this particular OT would have been utterly stunning if she could have been open enough to her surroundings to at least offer some warmth by showing some teeth :-).

The lyrics to R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming" are about as beautiful as many of Sting's, and that's about as big a compliments get around here!

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, its so much clearer.
I forgot my shirt at the waters edge.
The moon is low tonight.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
Im not sure all these people understand.
Its not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
Of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
Replaced by everyday.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
Septembers coming soon.
Im pining for the moon.
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming.

You, I thought I knew you.
You I cannot judge.
You, I thought you knew me,
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath.
Nightswimming.

The photograph reflects,
Every streetlight a reminder.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

/borrowed from www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/nightswimming.html

One of my fondest memories from my first year in Sweden is going skinnydipping in a small pond out in the woods not far from where my (ex)boyfriend lived. It's one of those things I think everyone should do at least once before they die.

Something I read in a newspaper many years ago - it was a 5-year-old's answer to the question, "What is time?" And rarely have I read anything that was SO true!

Just writing some e-mails while my son is watching a Superman DVD. My daughter is downstairs watching TV. And now that we've been doing this for about half an hour, I am starting to hear the tick-tick-tick of my mental clock telling me to hurry, hurry, hurry as it is time to get some dinner, dinner, dinner (And luckily enough we are serving leftovers again, otherwise it would have been code red by this point!).

And this is where Supermom comes in - I must focus, gather my strength, and above all be innovative enough to figure out a plan that includes food, dishes, laundry, showers, homework - and getting to my Body Balance class on time; since I'm the instructor* it's sort of hard to blow it off.

*Thank God, otherwise I'd never get there...

I try to remind myself that life will inadvertently teach you the lessons you need to learn until you actually learn them.

So I try to practice equanimity (much easier on the mat than off), that is the ability to keep it together under pressure. But the underlying questions remain: How much do I swallow? When can I lose it? Can I lose it without actually losing it and still get my point across?

I get some decent practice with my husband. Because when I lose it with my kids, it's usually my bad. Sure, I believe in creating a structured home enviroment with clear boundaries, but I still have to be the mature onewhen the sh** hits the fan, considering the fact that they are, as I mentioned, kids.

But with my husband, we're supposed to be on the same level, yet some things just cannot be discussed. It's like return to the stone age. So tonight we're just going to keep quiet - after all not all battles are worth fighting, especially when they're about the stupidest things.

And for once I am OK with that. Does that mean I'm making progress???

Jag minns när min yogalärare, som har en härlig, kurvig kropp nämnde hur hon till slut blivit tillfreds med sin rumpa. Den är förvisso större än vad det s k kroppsidealet tillåter (och hon tränar på en elitidrottares nivå!) men hennes kropp är som den är. Och hon är skitsnygg.

Jag minns när jag började läsa en av Baron Baptistes böcker där han skrev att vad gäller viktförändringar i samband med yoga: om kroppen behöver tappa i vikt så gör den det, om kroppen behöver gå upp i vikt så gör den det.

Jag vet att jag väger säkert 10 kg mer idag än jag gjorde för 15 år sedan, men jag trivs mer med min kropp idag än jag någonsin gjort. Jag har faktiskt svårt att se vad som förändrats, då jag inte uppskattade min "smala" kropp när jag väl hade den.

Min vikt (som jag inte kan avslöja eftersom jag inte har en aning om hur mycket jag väger) är stabil. Jag kommer in i mina kläder och tycker att jag ser bra ut. Hur jag ser ut utan kläder, ja, det är ju bara min man som ser mig naken, därför kan jag leva med att utanpå musklerna finns det ett geléaktigt lager som darrar lagom mycket över magen.

Nu vill jag vara den första att erkänna att jag förstått att mina hormoner kankse bestämmer sig för att lägga på mig en massa kilon någon vacker dag. Händer det så vet jag inte hur jag kommer att reagera. Visst vill jag känna mig fin, men mitt mål är att fortsätta hitta sätt att samarbeta med min kropp istället för att motarbeta den.

Tjejer - ni behöver inte överanstränga er!

Don't try hard, try easy :-) !

Satsa på glädje!

I recall my yoga teacher, who has an amazing, curvy body,  told us how she finally made peace with her butt. It is perhaps larger than what the prevailing body standard allocates (and she works out as much as an elite athlete!), but her body is what it is. And she’s gorgeous.

I remember when I started reading one of Baron Baptiste’s books, where he wrote that as far as weight changes go when you do yoga: if your body needs to lose weight, it will lose weight; if it needs to go up in weight it will go up in weight.I know that I probably weigh 20 pounds more than I did 15 years ago, but I am more satisfied with my body now than I’ve ever been. I actually have a hard time seeing what’s changed since I didn’t appreciate my “skinny” body when I had one.

My weight (which I can’t reveal since I have no idea how much I weigh) is stabile. I fit into my clothes and feel that I look good. What I look like without clothes, well, only my husband sees me naked, so I can live with that jiggling layer of jelly on top of my stomach muscles.

Now I want to be the first one to admit that I realize my hormones might one day decide to pack on a lot of weight. If that happens, I have no idea how I will react. Sure I want to feel pretty, but my goal is to continue finding ways to work with my body and not against it.

Girls – you don’t have to overdo it!

Don’t try hard, try easy!Go for happiness!

Credibility, honesty. Showing my students the same dedication they have to their practice. Do I always succeed? Nope. Can I live with what I achieve, all things considered? Yep.

Usually I choose my themes from where I am at the moment. Today my theme (which I will be using in class tomorrow) was based on the fact that tomorrow will be my students first level 2-3 class. Little did I know that the toned-down theme would be exactly what I needed...

Felt very tired after having taken the kids to "simhallen". Still I felt incredibly satisfied being able to deal with it without gritting my teeth. So my knees were down in chaturanga, but I was able to do my handstand and scorpion. And I skipped headstand and wheel. In order to teach a yogi, I must be a yogi :-).

Now I wonder if accepting my circumstances is something I could start doing even off the mat? This coming from Miss-can-hold-a-grudge-until-the-cows-come-home....

Sitter, eller ligger rättare sagt, i sängen strax efter kl 8 en lördag morgon där jag latar mig med att surfa, "facebooka" och lägga in ett litet blogg inlägg :-). Barnen ligger här intill, Alex spelar Gameboy medan Liv har sin DS. Vi småpratar då och då, men framför allt känner vi varandras närvaro och stämningen är avspänd och harmonisk.

Nu vill jag på inget vis uppmuntra till dataspels missbruk, men jag tror vi mår primo just nu. Ska strax lägga ner burken och gå upp och fixa frukost till oss tre. Ska bara titta en sista gång på FB...

Just sitting, or rather lying, in bed just past 8 A.M a Saturday morning, being lazy by surfing, facebooking, and writing in my blog J. The kids are in bed beside me; Alex is playing his Gameboy while Liv has her DS. We make small talk every now and then, but above all we sense each other’s presence, and the mood is laid back and harmonious.

I do not in any way want to condone excessive computer playing, but I do believe that we are in a really good place at the moment. Going to put the computer down in a second and go make breakfast for the three of us. Just going to look at FB one last time…